Iron Chef #1 - Salmon Battle
Tardigrades and Chimeras
Challenger Takeshi Maruyama vs Iron Chef French Yutaka Ishinabe
Iron Chef 1993 Episode 1 - Overall episode #001 - October 10th, 1993
The first episode of Iron Chef establishes the opulence, drama, and campiness that would become mainstays of the series, but with a few format misfires to smooth out by season 2. The first ten episodes have a 24-minute runtime, the first six of which features a play-in-tournament of five challengers.
The play-in tournament is not particularly interesting but is quite particularly time consuming, leaving little time for the main-event Iron Chef battle. These episodes are worth viewing to demonstrate that Iron Chef did not drop from Kitchen Heaven into Kitchen Stadium as a fully formed kitchen concept. The formula was being refined over the course of the first season. Iron Chef living up to and exceeding its pageantry in just ten episodes is quite the feat.
Plus all the food is spectacular, regardless of the runtime.
The opening is slightly different from what would become mainstay from 1994-onwards. Some things though never change. Chairman Kaga is presented as a timeless connoisseur of fine arts. A little literature, a little art, an uncooked lobster tastefully covering its shame with shaving cream...
For those unfamiliar with the premise, Kitchen Stadium was born when the immortal Chairman was pondering life’s mysteries in his 18th century Transylvanian study when inspiration struck!
Yes, perhaps an MC Escher-esque colosseum, where two chefs enter, and one chef is contractually not allowed to leave because we have to film three episodes a day.
Good luck getting out of this non-Euclidean trap, Ishinabe!
Without further ado, let’s enjoy the iconic opening title sequence for the first and last time. Chairman, commence kicking in the door wavin the fo' fo'.
Nailed it….
Let the battle before the battle begin!
Play-In Tournament Dish: Gyoza
We get an introduction video on the gyoza complete with b-roll of (in order):
A river valley, presumably Chinese (you’ll see why in a second)
Dumplings in soup
A roadway in China packed with people on bicycles
Dumplings in a bamboo steamer
Potstickers in a skillet
The Great Wall of China
Fantastic.
We have five challengers in the play-in tournament so I'll keep it brief.
Challenger #1: Tetsuo Yamada
Shrimp gyoza in a hot chili bean sauce.
Yamada kept the shrimp whole and pleated the gyoza around it, leaving the tail sticking out. The dumplings are boiled and then tossed in a dobanjiang based sauce. Cool technique. Crisp pleats. Looks delicious. Looking good, Yamada. You only have to make one dish. Quit while you're ahead.
Oh... oh no....
Is… is that a tardigrade?
You are expelled from Kitchen Academy, Yamada.
Challenger #2: Masatoshi Konno
"Flower Garden" Dumplings
Shrimp dumplings with pandan frosted tips. Judge Kageyama loves the look of it, predictably.
Challenger #3: Unknown Culinary Student (I couldn't find an English translation)
Soup Dumplings
We have our only soup dumpling from the youngest competitor of the play-in tournament. I usually encounter these gelatin-filled dumplings in the xiaolongbao round pouch format (Hershey kiss shaped) rather than the folded round gyoza as depicted. Solid effort. Serving a soup dumpling in soup defeats the purpose and novelty of a soup dumpling. It’s like serving arancini in a risotto. Nevertheless, this is a laudable effort for a student. He’s just happy to be here. This is already a win for him.
Challenger #4: JV Pirimpuna
Nepalese Dumpling with Tomato-Vinegar Sauce and Cilantro Sauce
The scale of this Nepalese momo is deceptive. The plate is the diameter of a car tire. This is a large dumpling. The Dumpling Police have been alerted, but the Empanada Bureau has jurisdiction in these parts.
It’s not a good sign when you have more sauces than dumplings nor plate an upside-down smiley-face. Pray for JV.
Challenger #5: Takeshi Maruyama
Pork and Garlic Chive Dumplings
Maruyama went to work on this dim sum minced-filling classic. Business-like, no-nonsense, “I got break in 15 minutes” attitude from the challenger. Confidence bordering on boredom. He didn't bother offering a sauce. He knows it's good. He knows it is perfectly browned and crispy. He's waiting for you to know it's good too. Catch up. The judges agree.
The winner of the Gyoza Play-In tournament is Challenger #5 Takeshi Maruyama and his pan-fried chive dumpling!
Meet the Challenger:
Takeshi Maruyama
Challenger Takeshi Maruyama is a Cantonese Chef and disciple of Zhou Tomitoku, the leader of the Zhou clan who we will see in the premiere of season 2. Maruyama is young, upbeat, and has never met an ingredient he couldn’t mince.
We know he’s been mincing the tangible world since age 5, but did you know he actually minced his first words (reportedly, “Mother, I know you are always saying how healthy fish and especially salmon is, and look, I totally agree with that viewpoint. But…. did you know pigs are considered the salmon of the land?”)?
When asked if there’s anything Maruyama refuses to mince, he replied coldly “nothing or no one…” while casually sharpening a rusty cleaver.
Showdown:
Challenger Takeshi Maruyama selects Iron Chef French Yutaka Ishinabe!
The showdown camera work gets less clumsy in the future. We almost lost Ishinabe there for a second.
Is the Chairman standing on a box? He seems to be holding on to Maruyama for stability during his wave. I don’t recall him ever appearing shorter than a challenger. I think I’m on #TeamBox, but more evidence is necessary.
Tale of the Tape:
The Chairman’s Fit:
Speaking of the Chairman's fit, I'm glad you asked.
Today the Chairman is a wizard. A wizard masquerading as a birthday party magician that must occasionally fail handkerchief tricks to keep his cover. It's killing him inside until one day... fireballs. everywhere.
The Reveal:
Salmon!
Hall of Fame level reveal from the Chairman. This remains one of his best reveals after hundreds of episodes.
I'd normally mention the Challenger's and Iron Chef's reactions to the secret ingredient, but in this case both understandably react instead to the Chairman transforming into a salmon right before their very eyes. Challenger Maruyama is perplexed and amazed, as he should be.
Iron Chef Ishinabe is cracking up. You wouldn't believe all the wizard hijinks Ishinabe has seen the Chairman get up to during his residency at Kitchen Stadium. One time the Chairman took-on the likeness of Dr. Yukio Hattori and followed him around all day repeating everything he said but in a dullard voice punctuated with armpit farts. You had to be there.
The Chairman's Wisdom:
“Salmon is the racehorse of the sea.”
Seahorses, on the other hand, are aliens from outer space. You can look that up in a book. #KyrieFacts.
Salmon b-roll for our eyes to feast on as we contemplate the Chairman's wisdom:
A small fishing boat
Salmon swimming in a shallow freshwater river
Salmon steak swimming in a deep butter jacuzzi
Slow-pan across salmon clip-art, Ken Burns-style
Profound.
14-minutes into the 25-minute episode, the battle begins!
There is no minimum number of dishes in these early episodes and the time limit is two hours. Contrary to the frantic pace that would be introduced in 1994's minimum dish requirement and one-hour time limit, Chefs are downright chillin' this season. Nobody will break a "mosey" in pace.
Allez! Cuisine!:
…and we’re off to the races.
Ishinabe: Salmon takes 7 minutes to cook. That gives me 1 hour and 53 minutes.... Where's the wine?
In the Booth:
In the booth we have our longstanding duo of play-by-play commentary from Kenji Fukui (right) and color from Dr. Yukio Hattori (left), food scholar, and all around delight. The Pat Summerall and John Madden, respectively, of Food Competition commentary.
There will be about 23 more episodes before English dubs are available. By then, the chemistry is great and they often have a third celebrity member in the booth. I'm curious if they hit the ground running, or if it took some time to develop their rapport.
The Battle:
Challenger Maruyama hammers a salmon filet beyond recognition.
Iron Chef Ishinabe severely underestimates the power of 1993 consumer electronics. That food processor was filled with lobster shells. It probably still is to this day.
Challenger Maruyama slips while:
1) Polishing tea cups that will not be used for service.
2) His assistant stands by not working on anything in particular, but not coming to Maruyama's aid either.
Challenger Maruyama’s unused Salmon. If you put it back together, it would probably be able to swim away.
That Knife Life:
Iron Chef Ishinabe portions a salmon filet with his sword.
Not to be deterred, Challenger Maruyama brings a Chinese cleaver to a swordfight.
Iron Chef Ishinabe understands that Knife Life is not about the biggest piece of salmon you can hack and not use.
The Judges’ Table(s):
Novelist Tamio Kageyama (65 battles).
Judge Kageyama is actually three Little Rascals in a tuxedo.
Actress Mitsuko Ishii (7 battles).
Every morning Judge Ishii takes a swim upstream and every night swag surfs downstream.
Rosanjin scholar Masaaki Hirano (42 battles).
Wise sage. Dispenses forest wisdom, healing salves, and judgements as meandering as the stream he surely resides on the banks of.
Dishes:
Challenger Maruyama finishes with a single dish in two-hours:
“Salmon” Lettuce Cups
A minced salmon, meat, and aromatics concoction served in lettuce cups, similar to a larb. The skin-on salmon filet was brutalized in a wok and minced with pork, red and green bell peppers and stir-fried with other aromatics (unidentified alium, cilantro, and chili pepper all minced). The dish features a ring of garnishes (bok choy, lemon wheels, and lime wedges) plated like revelers sprawled around the base of Larb Mountain during the Spring Equinox.
There is little salmon in this dish. The dish is described as having “the aroma of salmon,” which I’m sure Maruyama would’ve masked with soy sauce and pork shoulder if he had another two hours.
No teacups anywhere in sight. Challenger Maruyama almost tore an ACL for nothing.
It's never good when one looks at their food as if it bit back.
Iron Chef Ishinabe ups the ante by finishing a record-breaking two dishes in two-hours:
Iron Chef’s First Dish: Salmon in Lobster Sauce
The Unholy Chimera from your nightmares
It was precisely at this point when the producers realized that two hours is far too long to let these mad scientists play in the laboratory. Iron Chef Ishinabe went to the surgical table to construct this 19th century biological-hoax of a dish.
If there is anything I know about Iron Chef, it is that this dish will lead to victory. Not because it violates the laws of nature, but because it violates the laws of nature with extravagance.
Gilding the lily usually impresses the judges, and will become a theme throughout the show’s run. Secret ingredient of salmon? Cool, cover it with lobster tails, sea scallops, and a lobster sauce. Secret ingredient of pop tarts? Cool, cover it with foie gras, caviar, and uni. Championship.
If we want to defile nature at home, I took the following notes on preparation:
Skin-on salmon filet (pin-bones removed) sautéed.
Spiny lobster boiled. Tail meat reserved.
Lobster sauce made by blitzing spiny lobster shell, legs, liver, white onion, carrot, cognac, butter, and heavy cream in an antique food processor.
Salmon filet topped with the spiny-lobster tail and a sautéed sea scallop to form a standard sea monster (monstre des mers).
Sea monster is plated on lobster sauce and drizzled with chive oil.
Place the head of spiny lobster aggressively on the plate.
Name your creature of darkness. It is now bonded to you.
Rule from the shadows knowing that your enemies shall perish slowly and violently.
Does he feel pain? … I’m sorry, does “Sal-Man” feel pain? … well, okay. For science.
Iron Chef’s Second Dish: Salmon Mousse
A rich mousse made with salmon stock, dairy (heavy cream is likely), a “sweet” liquor, lobster stock, and parsley. Iron Chef Ishinabe candidly stated that this dish was a result of leftovers. A humble approach from the chef who uses lobster tails like toupees.
Whose cuisine reigns supreme?!
Iron Chef Yutaka Ishinabe! Chef looks directly into the camera to punctuate the victory. Classic.
I hope you enjoyed the first episode of the OG Iron Chef as much as I did. Despite the languid pace and sparse appearance of actual Iron Chefs, the tone and flourishes that would solidify the competition as the best food television in the world are there from the first second. Over the next 294 episodes, we'll see the show develop more drama, through rivalries and characterizations of the challengers. We'll become invested in the career arcs of the Iron Chefs, becoming saddened upon retirements (Michiba), initially critical of the new additions (Kobe), and finally proud when they become legends (Morimoto). Join me on this quest to laugh and learn, in a 90/10 ratio, as we endure through everything Iron Chef has to offer.
Episode notes:
My favorite dish was Challenger Maruyama’s lettuce cup. Despite the lack of salmon, it probably tasted great. You can’t buy me, Ishinabe!
There was not a lot of love being shown for salmon, one of the easier ingredients on this show’s run. Challenger Maruyama used 10% of the salmon. That seems wasteful. The little bit of the salmon he did utilize was hidden in a loaf of ground pork. Iron Chef Ishinabe also tried to bury his salmon, but did it with luxury which is somehow worse. These guys will change their tune after battles that feature natto, milk, or turkey (gross). They'll be wishing for salmon after turkey.
Salmon will be back three more times, so there will be ample opportunity to see a great ingredient properly showcased.
Next up, episode #002 - Foie gras!