Iron Chef #25 - Lamb Battle

Sakai’s don’t concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.

Mario Nakagawa vs Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai
Iron Chef 1994 Episode 15 - Overall episode #025 - April 22nd, 1994

The Chairman sits in his little shop of horrors and ponders the fact that Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai has over 400 apprentices across Japan, leaving a trail of brunoised tri-colored bell peppers and "management fees" behind. This could be trouble.

The Chairman opens a letter. It is from the Federal Trade Commission, and it informs him that Iron Chef Sakai has indeed been running a pyramid scheme. Should the Iron Chef want to stay out of Club Fed, he will have to reduce the orientation training cost to $5,000 and three years of labor; thus becoming a perfectly legal MLM. If apprentices want to convince their friends and family to switch to term life insurance and remortgage their homes in exchange for a job at at the Crown Palace Hotel in Saitama, that is entirely up to them. We're job creators!'
Let’s take a closer look at this rich history of occupational exploitation.

The Four Generations of French cuisine in Japan:

We are introduced to the lineage of French cuisine in Japan. The first generation (gangsta d'origine) is headlined by former Iron Chef French Yutaka Ishinabe and current Iron Chef French Hiroyuki Sakai. They uphold French tradition utilizing a sprinkling of Japanese ingredients with a dash of Stankonian flamboyance.

Generation Two is headlined by Kiyomi Mikuni, the reclusive sasquatch photographed in the Pacific Northwest, and Toshio Tanabe, the boxer/chef who was bested by Iron Chef Michiba in Episode 14 (Tai Snapper Battle). They're not afraid to gather around a camp fire, pop some Kirin Ichiban, and grill a whole Sika Deer in an asador while howling at the moon.

Goodness gracious... Chef Mario Nakagawa, seen here using a file to make a cup of salmonella, represents the third generation of this French dynasty. The royal blood has turned foul. The natural order dictates revolution, followed by renewed nationalism from trying to conquer a continent, even more nationalism from occupation, and then generation four...

Bohemians! Led here by Philippe du Phillipeaux of Bistro Non-Conformité.

Meet the Challenger:

Mario Nakagawa

The Head Chef of Chez Mario in Kamata, Tokyo, began working for Iron Chef Sakai as an apprentice at La Rochelle in 1979 at age 21. The hours were long, the training rigorous, the compensation predatory, and the mentorship more akin to Jay-Z rapping at hypothetical flight attendants ("I don't remember you. I don't intend to.").
Nonetheless, he would arrive two hours early to chop onions, and leave two years early from his servitude-contract, joining Generation Two's Kiyomi Mikuni's Bistro Sakanaza at age 24 to focus on seafood. The wunderkind shifted his focus yet again at age 26 to confectionary and desserts.
At Age 28, Chef Mario opened a restaurant and Freemason sanctum, Chez Mario, in Kamata, Tokyo.

Iron Chef Sakai has never eaten at Chez Mario. Not because he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't know the secret handshake:

Challenger Nakagawa’s Sizzle Reel:

Our resident egg-shell filer made a foie terrine with enough collagen to glue together a life-size paper-mache Kitchen Stadium. We're at an 8-out-of-10 on the stodginess scale. (An "8" is best eaten in a hot air balloon, adrift from the small thoughts of the squirearchy).

Mufasa gazes disapprovingly at another terrine.

Simba, you made a minion. My sweet dumb boy. You mixed intellectual properties.

This dish of lamb loin and chop with vegetables is proof that chef Nakagawa owns a stove. It's also a good indication that he's going to slay this lamb battle.

Pre-Game Quotes

"I'd like to show how I've developed as a chef... as a *professional* chef."
I'd also like to show how I'd developed as a YouTube stunt chef.
**Turns baseball hat backwards**
Your boy is about to make steak frites with a flamethrower. This content is sponsored by MattRest, mattresses for dudes named Matt. Use coupon code "LETSGO" at checkout for an 80% discount. Smash that like.

"I'm a bit intimidated and I wish I didn't really have to do this."
You know, the way that self-checkout is intimidating because I can't be bothered to look up the item code of scallions before I eviscerate them?
*shivers mockingly*

Showdown

The Chairman is asking the real questions. The people have been clamoring.
Fantastic.

A somewhat reluctant yet predetermined point from the challenger. "Do you see him in the courtroom today?" sort of point.

Though the Iron Chef has known about this showdown since the production meeting (last night at Dave and Busters), the challenger has a surprise in store. **The short mullet.** No, not the majestic Agassi or regal Stamos, but a subdued variation favored by your nephew who considers scamming Robux to be a career path. Nobody ever sees it coming until it is too late. Both the hidden-mullet and the Robux scam. Advantage: Mario.

Title Card

Challenger Mario Nakagawa vs Iron Chef French Hiroyuki Sakai!

The Chairman’s Fit:

Speaking of the Chairman's fit, I'm glad you asked

Today the Chairman is a Freshman double-major in Astrology and Astronomy at the Sanya Institute for the Criminally Insane. He knows the Virgo constellation has 35 exoplanets. What he doesn't know is how big of a fire he must set for the Virgins to notice him.

The Reveal:

We have frenched racks, hind shanks, kidneys, loins, and shoulder (in England they would be the scrag, chump, barnsley, fiddly-pondermud, and goggins). These are all between 6-8 months old, so no mutton. Lamb is enjoyed the world over in kabobs, curries, tagines, stews, Xinjiang stir fries, grilled, and yes, roasted chops on cocktail trays at your company holiday party (that's where your bonus went). When it is done right, lamb is hard to beat.

The Chairman hits the chefs with a powerful "Kohitsuji," but they are unfazed. Both chefs have ushered more sheep into the great Minecraft server in the sky than Romulus and Remus combined. Like the fratricidal shepherd twins, only one will survive today's battle and establish an enduring legacy.

The party won't end until the Visigoths show up with black bread and hard apple cider. Things get pretty dark after that.

The Chairman’s Wisdom

"If lamb is not served at dinner, you have been slighted."

Glad we are all in agreement that Hannibal Lechter is a great host.
Word of caution. If you are served just a single fake rose on two plates, three pieces of stemware, and 5+ pieces of silverware, you have not been slighted. You have been kidnapped by Gérard Depardieu. Get out of there immediately.

“The bones will tell you how to do it right.”

The Lamb montage contains:
1. The Arc de Triomphe in Paris. It is 50 sheep tall, 80 sheep wide, and 14 sheep deep. A staggering volume of 56,000 cubic sheep. Imperial system for life.
2. A frenched rack of lamb pan roasting in butter with garlic and rosemary. Fat cap on, like Cedric the Entertainer at a drive-through.
3. A lamb chop cooked to well-done. Someone was not listening to the bones. This lamb was killed twice. See you at the crossroads.
4. Rare lamb chops with a potato galeite. We are guaranteed to see lamb and potatoes from both chefs today..
Profound.

Allez! Cuisine!

Iron Chef Sakai allows his protégé to be the first through the gates before throwing a few uncharacteristic warmup punches. The Iron Chef has heard the Chairman's decree:

Sadly, the former Iron Chef French, Yutaka Ishinabe, could not escape the committee's justice. To be fair, he wouldn't be able to escape a retaliatory escargot. He slow.

In the Booth

Play-by-Play Kenji Fukui (right) and Color Commentator Dr. Yukio Hattori (left) are joined by the clairvoyant actress and judge, Mayuko Takata. This is the second battle for the future Hall of Fame judge and already her second time pulling double-duty in the booth.

Takata: Dr. Hattori, have you ever been challenged by an apprentice?
Dr. Hattori: Twice. Once was retold in the documentary "Saw III," the other? Hmmm, who was it? Fukui, do you happen to remember?
Fukui: No, sir... I mean Dr. Hattori. I do not remember.. sir.. Doctor, sir.
Dr. Hattori: No... no, you don't Fukui. No. You. Don't.

Fukui: R-r-right you are, Doc.

The Battle

Both chefs predictably go straight for the rack of lamb. If you are wondering, those decorative mittens on the lamb bones are called "paper frills" and they are mailed to you for free each time you break a bottle of champagne across a superyacht's bow.

Dr. Hattori comments that "In Europe, lamb is considered one of the better meats. The best meat. Better than beef or pork, really." Later adding "the Europeans eat with their feet, live underground, and only the nobility may afford a Seiko TV watch."

Chef Nakagawa carefully slices the silverskin off the lamb loins. This will not be wasted, as Nestlé-Purina will pay him two coppers per cubic sheep of silverskin.

It turns out that the French term for a rack of lamb is "carré d'agneau" and not "xylophone d'agneau." I cannot apologize enough.

The Iron Chef trims off the gristle from his lamb rack. Alpo Prime Cuts Juicy Lamb Bites coming to test markets soon. Twice the collagen, with all the bonemeal your French Bulldog, Maximilien Robespierre, has come to enjoy.

The Iron Chef unveils an entire lobe of foie gras. Wait, let me try that again with the appropriate amount of lens flares.

The Challenger has flour-dusted onion rings on parchment paper going in for a bake. They will never come out, remaining lost and forgotten. This is not the most exciting start from the challenger's corner. The Chairman, bored with these proceedings, has left to deal with a mutton emergency.

After some initial confusion, production assistants were able to save Judge Hirano's goat from the abattoir and return it to his assigned parking spot.

Iron Chef Sakai continues his torrid pace, making a sash out of bamboo shoots using the difficult katsuramuki technique. The sash will be julienned later. This is not a technique to rush, but the Iron Chef only knows one speed - Victory.

Yukie Nakagawa would like to clarify that she does not cut her husband's hair. She did, however, buy him an oversized crucifix pendant and Mike Piazza t-shirt jersey, so he didn't really have a choice in the matter.

The Iron Chef begins pan roasting two racks of lamb in a very large pan before finishing them off in the oven. He's also deep frying something, but you already knew that. What you didn't know is that it is whole skin-on shallots. The mad man.

Challenger Nakagawa uses caul fat to wrap the lamb loins. A classic move to keep the loins from drying out and introducing a little flavor via fat. Again, caul fat in French is "crépine" and not "sac de détritus." So sorry. I learned all my French from this show. Also, all my English, if memory serves...

Iron Chef Sakai sautés his foie gras in butter. We knew he was going to do that while it was still in the goose. That sound you heard was the Chairman leaping back up to Kitchen Stadium two-steps at a time singing "Foie foie foie foie" to the tune of the Meow Mix song.

Checking back in with the challenger, it appears he spent the past five minutes sprinkling parsley on to the caul fat. This has been the slowest start by any challenger since the very first episode (in which that challenger made a salmon larb in two hours). Excruciating.

Challenger Nakagawa at his cutting board.

The Iron Chef torches some lamb steaks for some char, confirming three dishes (rib chops, shoulder chops, and loin). Let's see what the challenger has been up to.

The challenger is still working on the caul-wrapped lamb loin, adding chopped truffles.. As good as this dish could be, one dish is not enough to beat an Iron Chef. Challenger Mario needs to get some additional components and some more lamb started immediately.

Iron Chef Sakai counters the challenger's truffles with his own truffles and butter sautéed foie gras atop the flamethrower lamb steaks. Julienned bamboo shoots will be added on top. The challenger has fallen into a relativistic low-gravity hypertime, experiencing minutes elapsing in mere Earth seconds. The Iron Chef is lapping him like Katie Ledecky does to whomever is swimming next to Katie Ledecky.

The Iron Chef torching circles around challenger Nakagawa.

Meat + Foie + Truffles + Demiglace = Rossini Dish.
It is only appropriate that Kitchen Stadium's own fast-tempo "Signor Crescendo" try a Rossini. Conversely, our larghissimo challenger should try a Ma$e (Meat + Foie + Truffles + Ghostface's Fist).

Iron Chef Sakai is wrapping his Rossini stacks in brik wrappers. This means it will get a final cook and hopefully a stylish flip in a sauté pan just like the Iron Chef knows I like.

Checking back in with the challenger, and... yep. He has two sleeping bags of raw lamb sitting in a cold pan. This is the struggle of man who has never been financially compensated based on the length of time he works.

Chef Nakagawa and his sous chefs perfecting Generation Three cuisine.

The Iron Chef is deep frying whole skin-on European shallots (not the small Asian shallots). These will become cat-deterrent Christmas tree ornaments, if they don't violently explode first.

The challenger has a new component! He's deep frying whole white potatoes...

Stick une fourchette in him. Challenger Nakagawa is cooked.

The protege continues at his mosey of a pace undeterred, bringing out a lobe of foie gras. Both chefs are now working with the same Rossini ensemble of luxury ingredients. Caviar and gold leaf remain the last bastion of avarice to throw at this cardigan-producing beast.

Iron Chef Sakai tops his rack of lamb with bamboo shoots and kinome (pepper leaf buds). The whole thing would get patted down with panko breadcrumbs. This is the Iron Chef's second lamb and bamboo shoots dish, which may seem odd. However, last episode was the "Bamboo Shoots Battle" in which 40 expensive shoots were same-day flown from Kyoto to Kitchen Stadium. This episode was likely also filmed the same day. The Iron Chef is smart to utilize another luxury ingredient typically not available fresh in the Kitchen Stadium pantry. This will be his closing dish.

Challenger Nakagawa throws an unadorned lamb loin into a pan, thus beginning his (*checks notes*,*checks calendar*,*checks tide chart*), yes, second dish.

One and a half lamb loin dishes in an hour, my dude.

Not content to just deep fry whole skin-on onions, the Iron Chef deep fries whole skin-on eggplants. He's up for deep frying anything potentially explosive. Soft-shell crabs, wet tofu, frozen turkey, AirPods. Like and subscribe and become a Sakai-Sicko on Patreon for exclusive content and his unhinged thoughts on Tort-reform.

The only thing that could stop Iron Chef Sakai from winning today's battle is if he burned down Kitchen Stadium. Don't tell him what he can't do.

A cameraman named Take was burned on the face and kept on filming without missing a beat. When asked how he was doing, he replied "perrrfect" in a deeply concerning un-sarcastic manner. Don't mess with Take, the Iron Camera Operator.

The spent ordnance was recovered from the ceiling. A classic exothermic eggplant; "Gassy Grimace" is what Sakai called them back in Basic. That was 34-years and three mustaches ago. He's been drawing on his eyebrows every morning since.

Challenger Nakagawa suddenly finds himself back in the competition because when the smartest kid in class almost burns down the chemistry lab, this test is definitely going to be graded on a curve. To that end he blitzes basil, olive oil, and garlic to create 75% of a Pesto/Pistou. You know what? I respect it. Pine nuts are the 4th most important ingredient in a pesto but the most costly. Let's not get started on them having the shelf life of yogurt.

The Iron Chef's Rossini stacks get a pan-fry to finish. Amazing job holding together all the ingredients in a tight bundle. Unfortunately, we did not get to see the flip on camera. We know Iron Chef Sakai is the Flipmaster General of the Flip-Mode Squad and he probably went left-hand Eurostep off-the-glass.

Sideline Reporter Ohta spoke with the Challenger who said he has run out of time, is unable to finish multiple dishes, and doesn't think he can win today. A heartbreakingly honest assessment of what we have been witnessing. Only 10 minutes remain in the battle.

If you come at an Iron Chef, you best not miss.

Iron Chef Sakai blends bright red Kyoto carrots with enough veal stock and balsamic to produce the calming pale taupe sauce best used to mollify one's humours.

Do you remember the two racks of lamb Challenger Nakagawa grabbed in the opening seconds of the battle? Well, you can forget them just like Chef Nakagawa did. They will remain uncooked and destined for the Chairman's Subaru. It is easily worth over $100, but the Chairman will hook you up if you know how to operate a TV camera and have a high tolerance for pain.

The challenger's deep fried white potatoes were then pressure cooked with burdock, shallots, and yams in madeira and truffles. It is always good to have some components to serve. I am not sure what happened to the baked onion rings, but I hope whatever organic life has been sustaining itself off its nutrients for the past 30 years is a peaceful organism not aspiring for interspecies dominance.

Challenger Nakagawa places some flour-dusted foie gras nuggets into a pan with four minutes remaining in the battle. They won't be pretty, but they'll make the plate and be covered with a sauce and a shower cap.

Ohta: How do you think you did in today's battle?
Nakagawa: Just horrible.

Ohta: How do you think you did in today's battle?
Iron Chef Sakai:

The Judges’ Table(s):

Novelist and actor Tamio Kageyama (65 battles)
Judge Kageyama has proof on a ZipDisk that lamb chops were named after the television sock puppet and not the other way around. You're gonna want to see this.

Actress Mayuko Takata (54 battles)
Judge Takata likes her lamb like she likes her Harlequin Gecko purses, from New Zealand in a shipping container labeled "Milk Powder."

Culinary Critic Asako Kishi (199 battles).
Judge Kishi keeps Kibbeh Nayyeh in her sock whenever the urge for raw lamb becomes too overwhelming.

Dishes

Challenger Nakagawa almost completes two dishes:

Challenger Nqkagawa’s first dish:
Lamb and Daikon Radish Salad

A piece of perfectly cooked lamb loin next to a last-minute foie gras nugget atop daikon matchsticks in a pistou sauce. It may look like the challenger plated the "paper frills," but rest assured, it's just something equally inedible like garlic peels or medical waste. In true Iron Chef tradition, anything is salad if you call it salad.
Judge Kageyama likes the meat, Judge Takata likes the sauce, and Judge Kishi likes the radish. This dish, made up of three separate intended dishes, ended up a success!

Challenger Nakagawa’s second dish:
Truffle-flavored Roast Lamb

The 59-minute effort from chef Nakagawa unfolded thusly: Trim lamb tenderloin. Wrap in caul-fat with parsley and truffles. Roast in pan. Pressure cook root vegetables.
Admittedly, that is a lot of effort for a single dish. However, the challenger was not alone. He put his two sous chefs to work. While Nakagawa was spending his time idly rubbing truffles and then smelling his fingers, his sous chefs were doing the real heavy lifting (pretty much anything that ended up cooked). It was pretty much a Batali episode of Iron Chef America, minus the Starbucks cup filled with Port wine.
All the judges said it was raw and smelled unpleasant, even when masked with truffles. Tough break to not finish the only dish you worked on.

Judge Kishi did soften the blow by remarking that "meat is meat" and complimented the "bold choice." She did then add that she could only smell three of the sheep's four stomachs, and that Chef Nakagawa should take extra care to not wash the rumen next time.

Iron Chef Sakai completes three dishes:

Iron Chef Sakai’s first dish:
Sautéed Lamb

This cold-starter of medium-rare lamb shoulder steaks topped with broad beans and spinach. The sauce is made with Kyoto carrots, veal stock, and balsamic vinegar. The accompanyments on the left side of the plate consists of assorted shrapnel from the earlier explosion. Potatoes, eggplants, shallots, Samsung Galaxy Note 7, etc.
The judges unanimously approve, mentioning repeatedly that the dish has no bad smells. The challenger's raw sheep stank finale must have penetrated deep into the judges' nervous systems. They need this balsamic chaser.

Iron Chef Sakai’s Second Dish:
Lamb, Foie Gras, and Truffles wrapped in Brik

Iron Chef Sakai, Kitchen Stadium's commander of Operation Stackola, makes a Rossini tower (lamb, foie, truffles, bamboo shoots) all of which have been cooked in butter. The towers were then wrapped in brik (wheat pastry wrapper) and sautéed. They held together magnificently.
This is bittersweet, because I know I will never get to see what this dish's cross-section looks like. The secrets of the universe continue to elude me.

The sauce is made of lamb stock, butter, honey, and truffles. Predictably, the judges are lost in the sauce. Unanimous praise.

Iron Chef Sakai’s third dish:
Kinome flavored Roast Lamb

Iron Chef Sakai closes with a platter fit for a medieval king. We have racks of lamb browned in a pan then roasted in a convection oven. Not done yet, the lamb was then caked with bamboo shoots and kinome (pepper leaf buds), egg yolk, and panko breadcumbs before being finished back in the oven. The rest of the platter is composed of the larger ordnances from today's blast (whole skin on shallots, broccolini, eggplants, and bell peppers). There are two sauces: cream (of course) and truffle (you bet).
Judge Ishii found this dish "too sophisticated."

However, Judge Kageyama found this dish quite empowering.

Whose cuisine reigns supreme?!

The Chairman receives the the verdict, but he's known the outcome for an hour.

The first Lamb Battle will be remembered as one of the most lopsided in Iron Chef history. Challenger Nakagawa was assured defeat 10-minutes into the proceedings. His proud mentor, Iron Chef Sakai, tried to blow up Kitchen Stadium to save the protégé. Alas, there was no fire being lit under the challenger today. He was marooned on Caul-Fat Island for 45-minutes.

Unfamiliar kitchens are really difficult to work in under any sort of time constraint or other duress. Iron Chef is certainly a high-duress environment. I can barely make a hot dog in someone else's home without a panic attack, and will walk right back out if they have a glass cutting board (I can't be friends with a monster).

This competition is empirically harder for the challenger than it is for the Iron Chef. The balance is derived external to the setting - the Iron Chef has less to gain and more to lose than the challenger in any given battle. What may seem like an irredeemable landslide will instead have the lasting effect of making me appreciate and celebrate challengers' efforts more. The next time a challenger finds a can opener or a pressure cooker lid in under five minutes, I'll notice. Thank you for that (and a nice shortcut pesto), Chef Mario.

The Iron Chef produced three strong dishes with good meal progression (heavy to massive to celestial) demonstrating a wide variety of technique ranging from fussy, to practical, to actually deadly. Do not deep fry large wet foods. Japanese kitchen apprentice culture jokes aside, Iron Chef Sakai was very humble and encouraging in all his interactions with his protégé today. He seems like a delight to work for.

Per Iron Chef custom, Yukie, Kato, and Shota Nakagawa all now work as bussers for La Rochelle, Des Moines.

Episode notes:

My favorite dish was Iron Chef Sakai's kinome lamb chops. It was the only lamb cooked on the bone today, thus heeding the Chairman's wisdom. That said, I have been absolutely fiending for Lamb Rogan Josh... *checks cost of food* .... and will continue to do so.
This is the first of four lamb battles, three of which feature Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai. Goat, regrettably, does not make an appearance as a theme ingredient.
The next episode is the sixteenth of 1994, and 26th overall, the. Truffle Battle vs Dr. Yukio Hattori himself! Get hyped. The Doc is getting his hands dirty.