Iron Chef #24 - Bamboo Shoots Battle
“Explore the world of Panda Snax and discover how tasty snacking can align with a healthier lifestyle.”
The above was written by the SquareSpace AI just by typing in “Panda Snax.” I am equal parts impressed and horrified.
Munetaka Takahashi vs Iron Chef Chen Kenichi
Iron Chef 1994 Episode 14 - Overall episode #024 - April 15th, 1994
This was supposed to be episode 23, the first Rice Battle, however no footage of this battle exists for reasons that will become clear.
What we do know, and have independently verified with the U.S. Naval Observatory, is that on April 8th 1994, Iron Chef Rokusaburo Michiba cooked rice so good that time stopped.
Most witnesses agree that they heard the Iron Chef's rice cooker beep when the rice had finished cooking. Some describe it as a perfectly normal beep, whereas others felt it sounded "deeper" and more "ancient." What followed is a matter of much debate and speculation. A Sous Chef on the Challenger's side insisted that "not a pair of grains were stuck together!" before erupting in a fit of delirium. What everyone could agree on was that suddenly.. everything stopped.
Upon "un-pausing" it was determined through the use of radioactive decay that we were in cognitive stasis for exactly 60 unaccountable minutes. So began Dayrice Savings Time, a nonsensical tradition to lose an hour each Spring that endures to this day (except in Arizona and Hawaii).
Today's episode will feature Bamboo Shoots. Before you immediately close this page, let us hear bamboo shoots out. Bamboo Shoots what are you bringing to the table?
Like rice, I am an imporant staple food responsible to a degree for human societal development in regions with less arable land.
Like truffles, I am seasonal! My winter shoots are harvested before they can see sunlight, and are the most sought after.
I am toxic! HR reccomends that when I'm being fresh, you should boil me thoroughly while changing out the water periodically. Don't let that worry you because:
I can be found pre-cooked in cans! In fact, I would argue that no ingredient on Earth soaks up the flavor of the can more than me. If you are the type of weirdo that doesn't like the awesomely acrid taste of aluminum and citric acid:
I can be found pre-cooked and submerged in plastic bins at the corner of the produce section at global grocers. A true professional doesn't use hands; go at them like you are bobbing for apples.
I am superior to water chestnuts in every conceivable way.
Facts. Okay Bamboo Shoots, I'm on board. Now go jump in a stir-fry and try not to bother any of the more productive ingredients.
If you are going to venture into the acai-dappled wilds of a US chain supermarket, ask the nearest Kelce for assistance.
This battle is the first with an English language translation (not including the 1993 Christmas Special). While I did enjoy my time with Google Translate and trying to identify mitsuba at 480x360 resolution, my guesswork is now limited to just the Chairman's plots and schemes. Truly a gift and curse. Lastly as a result of these English language rips, we have reduced picture quality, but no more pesky borders on GIFs and an additional 15-minutes of runtime. Seems like a fair trade.
The Revolution will be Televised
(and violently suppressed)
There has yet to be a challenger from Kyoto (the 9th largest city in Japan) during the first 23 battles of Iron Chef. This may seem odd, but try saying out loud: "Jacksonville is a very large thing that very much exists." Despite being true, it cannot be said convincingly. Kyoto is Jacksonville with cooler hats.
The Chairman has resolved to address this Kyoto-sized blind spot in his gladiatorial recruitment drive the only way he knows how: brutal competition. Atop the 1,300 year old Yasaka Pagoda the Chairman has placed a golden ticket... and at the bottom, a steel greatsword. Your move, Kyoto.
Yutaka Yamane, Chairman of the Kyoto Chefs Association, took charge of selection process. After weeks of calculation and divining of ox-knuckles, the mini-Chairman decreed that...
"The rains will be heavy after the autumnal equinox."
Well, that was no help. Instead lets go to the famed Ikumatsu restaurant and Inn in Kyoto. Though now closed, the 200-year old establishment was a historical gem overlooking the Kamogawa River. There's bound to be a cheftestant there, but first, more about this establishment's legendary place in history.
The Samurai Katsura Kogoro (later Kido Takayoshi) developed his plan to overthrow the Shogunate and lead the Meiji restoration at Ikumatsu, narrowly escaping with his life through an upstairs window via a hidden passage. He had the seven piece sashimi sampler served in a concave flounder.
Kayoko Kubo, the Manager of Ikumatsu, happily encourages patrons to have their photo taken beneath the historical blood stains. "It's what Admiral Perry would have wanted." she insists, pointing at the tip jar.
Meet the Challenger:
Munetaka Takahashi
Chef Takahashi is one of the best young talents specializing in "pure Kyoto cuisine." Pure Kyoto cuisine is, of course, described the same as every regional Japanese cuisine (seasonal, light, and, ingredient focused).
A young Takahashi made up his mind to become a chef during elementary school. While other kids were doing multiplication tables, Takahashi was eating earthworm ikizukuri and booger sashimi. Recognizing his "talent," Takashi's grandfather gave him a paint scraper and told him it was a magic chef's knife.
Armed with this tetanus-wand, Takehashi dropped out of school and began a restaurant apprenticeship at age 15, eventually moving his way up to an apprenticeship at Uzuki at age 27, and then an apprenticeship at Ikumatsu at 29. He is 30 year old at he time of filming. If you are counting, he has been working as an apprentice for 15 years.
Stay in school.
Challenger Takahashi’s Sizzle Reel:
A seared scallop smoking a cigarette behind the bushes mumbling about the polio vaccine and Cybertrucks, and how everything is connected, man.
A resentful stuffed gourd watches from behind sweet-prawn fence as the other geometric children play their common denominator games. You're all charlatans!
Soft tofu with celery in a consommé. The kind of dish that lets your date know you have plans for tonight, and those plans are a Property Brothers re-run washed down with a pro-biotic water.
A deep fried sushi roll with charred shishito peppers. Consider that this is just a segment of the whole pre-cut sushi roll. Now consider the size of the deep fryer, the amount of oil, and BTUs required to cook the whole sushi roll quickly and evenly. Lastly, consider the construction materials of 1800's Kyoto residences. I think I know why this restaurant is now closed.
A mixed mushroom broth. This checks the "seasonal," "light," and "ingredient focused" boxes. The McRib is getting real tired of this gatekeeping.
Pre-Game Quote
"I have confidence in controlling flavors at a very fine level."
Turn my capsicum up by 150 Scovilles, my rice vinegar down to 3.55 pH, and this bass to eleven. *Harlem Shakes in silence because he is pointing at a Sea Bass.*
Stay in school.
Showdown
Apprentice Takahashi, not permitted to speak until now, confidently selects Iron Chef Chinese Chen Kenichi as his opponent. The four words I would use to describe the Iron Chef's at this moment are "Yawning," "Furiously," "Internally," and "Yawning" (again).
Does Chef Takahashi have what it takes to forment an Ikumatsu revolution in Kitchen Stadium? No, that would be silly. The Chairman's stranglehold on power is absolute. However, the challenger does have the opportunity to plate some cool dishes before he has to spend another 15-years handwashing sweaty hachimakis.
Title Card
Challenger Munetaka Takahashi vs Iron Chef Japanese Rokusaburo Michiba!
The Chairman’s Fit:
Speaking of the Chairman's fit, I'm glad you asked
Today the Chairman is the consiglieri of a powerful immigrant familia from the Old World. It is said in hushed tones, that it is he pulling the strings on Don Boyardee's bribes to the Feds. Beefaroni talks. Now nobody is listening.
The Reveal:
Bamboo Shoots! The Chairman gives a powerful performance. I have goosebumps.
These are the below-ground tender shoots of the fast growing stalky plants currently annexing your neighborhood, that can be used in soups and stir-fries. There are a few types of bamboo shoots for the chefs to select from today, including 40 shoots from Kyoto dug up the morning of this battle and flown to Tokyo. All the bamboo shoots have been pre-boiled for an hour to remove toxins.
I think all this exclusivity with bamboo shoots is the wrong approach. To become more accessible to consumers, bamboo shoots should consider a rebrand to "Panda Snax" and find a Kelce to say it gives him panda quickness and football smarts.
I’m just going to stash this reaction GIF here for when you are texted to work on Black Friday. It conveys your excitement, is entirely non-committal, and there is no appropriate response back. Help yourself to a second slice of sweet potato pie and thank the Chairman.
Iron Chef Kenichi has come out of the tunnel with the body language of the Washington Wizards (Circa-always), which is appropriate because his work locker and weapons locker are one-in-the-same (Wizards Circa 2009-10). Unlike the Wizards, the Iron Chef is probably going to slum his way to victory. #Sag4Flagg
The Chairman’s Wisdom
"Eat the sound of bamboo shoots."
But NEVER hear the smell of bamboo shoots… lest you are inclined to incur the wrath of the Shinto deity Kuni-no-Tokotachi. As fun as it is to say aloud, you don't want no Kuni no Tokotachi.
Also, Real G's move in silence like lasagna.
Our Bamboo montage depicts:
1. A Bamboo forest depicted without wire-fu stuntpersons. Weird.
2. Cracking open bamboo shoots like a gas station cigarillo.
3. Slicing bamboo shoots uniformly, which we know is impossible because they are non-Euclidean.
4. Boiling bamboo shoots to remove the cyanide. That sound you just heard was all the intoxicated pandas laughing at us. Go back to sleep in a sitting position, intoxicated pandas!
Profound.
Allez! Cuisine!
Let's take a trip into the bowels of Kitchen Stadium, where a secure refrigerated storage room is nestled. It is one of 26 rooms of its type on floor B3. This one, labeled 'W', houses the wakame, wasabi, watermelons, and writer(s). A lone writer stoops above his desk (watermelon gaylord), wasabi-vapor induced tears pooling on the Chairman's assignment: create a catchphrase that will endure for the next 280 English language episodes.
This marks the first time "Bang a gong, we are on" is said on Iron Chef. Nailed it.
In the Booth
Play-by-Play Kenji Fukui (right) and Color Commentator Dr. Yukio Hattori (left) are joined by the clairvoyant actress and judge, Mayuko Takata. Judge Takata will accurately predict a majority of the challenger’s dishes today.
Mayuko Takata: Eat shoots and leaves?
Fukui: Eat shoots, and leave.
Hattori: Eat, shoot, and leave.
Fukui: Right you are, Doc! The Kitchen Stadium way.
The Battle
Friends, let me introduce you to something I like to call "Kenji Fukui Makes it Weird." Take it away, Fukui:
Fukui: If we had a bamboo festival, I'd choose you as the bamboo princess.
Mayuko Takata: …
My, my... I cannot wait for the next installment!
The Challenger has a beautiful whole Red Tilefish (Branchiostegus japonicus), which will be filleted and lightly boiled for a soup. A classic high-floor low-ceiling dish. The fifth-year Senior in the NBA draft of dishes.
Fukui: This young man, you could say he is a Kyoto-cuisine Samurai!
Takata: If by looks, he certainly has the upper-hand today.
Such disrespect is how you awaken the Iron Chef's alter-ego - Chaka Chen, last seen carving cucumber waves on the Hall of Fame worthy Scallop Battle. Let's be honest, in any variation of Iron Chef Marry-Romance-Murder, we're putting the ring on the Sichuan Sage. I can fix him.
The management and owners of Ikumatsu, satisfied with the number of trap doors, hidden passages, and blood stains in Kitchen Stadium, gaze approvingly upon these proceedings.
Challenger Takahashi makes a pile of bamboo sheets in seconds. The many years of apprenticeship may work to the challenger's advantage when it comes to mise en place.
Speaking of mise en place, the Iron Chef's consists of broad beans, shrimp, dried fish, mayonnaise, dried scallops, and bananas. It remains one squid-ink short of being the worst Mario Kart item boxes.
The challenger demonstrating the katsurimuki technique of making an obi (sash) out of vegetables, a technique we were deprived of in the Daikon battle. It would be silly to still be mad about that...
No stranger to the knife life himself, Iron Chef Kenichi carves bamboo shoots into the tread-pattern of a Nike Cortez.
Challenger Takahashi demonstrates how not to use a deba knife to split a slick tilefish from head-to-tail. I'm choosing to interpret the fact he still has a left hand as a testament to his incredible skill and not his incredible inexperience.
Iron Chef Kenichi also switches gears from intricate to brute force. Both chefs have been marching to the same battle rhythm - mise, finesse, power, chaka (TBD). This entire chicken is going to be used for stock only. This was back before whole chickens were $25 and you and you had to sleep on the couch because of an argument over drumstick bone marrow.
Kenji Fukui makes it weird! (this should be sung to the theme of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”)
Kenji Fukui: Grandma must be a good cook.
Takata: …Well, she WAS a good cook.
It's not what you think. Grandma got an Insta-Pot.
The challenger utilizes a large sentient bag of katsuobushi flakes to make a Michiba-esque dashi. Dr. Hattori comments that the quantity is correct when chopsticks can stand straight-up in the pot, meaning I can afford to make a tablespoon of dashi. Also, I am immature.
I've made a mistake. These aren't the chill vibes exuded by Chaka Chen. No, this is an entirely different persona smoldering its way to the surface.
This can only be Ken Chenichi.
His techniques are unorthodox, he doesn't play by the rules, demonstrates self-destructive behavior, and has a problem with authority. But darn it, there isn't a better detective on the force.
Ken has icefish (salangidae), prawns, and egg whites in a blender and an ice cold Tsingtao pressed to his temple.
Challenger Takahashi has three pots of boring on a simmer. The first contains sliced bamboo shoots. The second contains sliced bamboo shoots, but like thinner. The third contains sliced bamboo shoots, but like wider. I’d be on the edge of my bamboo papasan if that wasn’t a guaranteed way to break my laptop and neck.
Iron Detective Ken Chenichi begins rolling his own bamboo and seafood paste stogies. *Exhales deeply* If Barb wants more alimony, she can catch the Roppongi Station Strangler herself.
The challenger roasts some kuchiko (dried sea cucumber ovaries). It takes 40 lbs of sea cucumbers to produce a single pungent $3,000 kuchiko Dorito. The challenger has two: One for the battle, and one for the TikTok challenge.
Stay in school.
You enter the soirée at midnight, elegant eye-mask adorned like the other resplendent yet discrete attendees. A server, clearly instructed to not make eye-contact glides a cocktail tray across your field of vision and back again, but slower, almost tauntingly. "Bamboo shoots and banana skewer?" Your fate rests in your reply.
Remember blanched fish before it met bamboo broth bucket? Individually unimpressive. But together, they really brought out the boring in each other.
Kayoko Kubo: Which shape of bamboo is our young Takahashi going to use with the fish?
Yutaka Yamane: *rolls ox knuckles*
Yutaka Yamane: A horse tossed overboard can kick fast or slow. Ultimately it doesn't matter.
It's half past one in the morning. Your head is ringing from all the bananas. So. Many. Bananas. The server has returned with a sinister grin and another tray. This time it isn't even phrased as a question. "Bamboo shoots, hot mustard, and mayonnaise..."
You surrender your car keys, mobile phone, and identifications. You won't need those where you're going.
Challenger Takahashi combines his various Lucky Charms shapes of bamboo on a single dish with shrimp and wakame. Classic high-floor low-ceiling. Six-foot-five with a reliable corner three-point shot, a masters in sports marketing, and a cheese-grater prosthesis instead of a left-hand.
Iron Detective Ken Chenichi's ashtray is cluttered with spent bamboo-seafood cigars. The corkboard above it is equally cluttered. A dozen colored strings connect seemingly unrelated disappearances to a single common point. At the center of this spiderweb is a blurry image of a bedazzled man with a majestic mane. Mother of God...
A cresting wave of shoestring bamboo is placed atop the blanched tilefish by challenger Takahashi, or should I say Chaka Taka? I'm back in on this dish, mahalo.
Challenger Takahashi suddenly makes this battle square by preparing bamboo wrapped sushi with the obi-sashes he delicately carved earlier! This will be an amazing technical feat if it comes together.
The Iron Chef has bamboo chanclas! No, not the mass-produced footwear preferred by cruise ship perverts, but different bamboo chanclas. Ones made with himekawa (edible soft bamboo husk), filled with bamboo shoots and broad beans.
The challenger is complaining that the rice cooker did not cook his sushi rice properly, which would seem like a poor excuse because it's only job is to cook rice properly. Then again they're like 85% wrong buttons, and the right button is labeled something like "Turbo" or "Super Saiyan."
The challenger looks across the hangiri at his apprentice enthusiastically fanning the poorly-cooked rice, hungry for approval. He ruminates on the past 15 years as the sour acidic sting of rice vinegar scours him from the inside out. What plays out is word-for-word the "Not my Tempo" scene in Whiplash. It's uncanny.
It is Wok o' Clock for Iron Chef Kenichi! He stir-fries the week's long ennui away and is left with bamboo shoots in tianmianjiang sauce (sweet bean paste) with dried shrimp and ground pork. This is cathartic. Therapeutic. A man and his wok.
Challenger Takahashi has minced bamboo shoots mixed in his sushi rice. Sushi traditionalists are turning over in their burial mounds. I think its great, but then again I made maki rolls last week with cooked goat, mint, carrots, ras al hanout, and a pomegranate-harrissa sauce. I am now disbarred from visiting Japan again. I have no regrets.
Sideline Reporter Ohta: Is there anything you want to say to the challenger with 15 minutes remaining?
Yutaka Yamane: *rolls ox-knuckles*
Yutaka Yamane: "Ho Ho," says the keeper of the beat.
The Iron Chef plates his stogies and stir-fry together. This seems like a wise choice, as neither dish was strong enough to stand on its own. The Iron Chef ties everything together with a ladle of ground pork. Everything. This dish, his outfits, his décor, the Yokohama serial-arsonist case. Ground pork everywhere.
For the challenger to have any chance of victory, his bamboo rolls are going to have to slap. Unfortunately, this does not slap. This is more a glare of timid reproach reserved for an Uber Eats driver who forgot your horchata.
Iron Chef Kenichi begins work on a pea soup with less than 15-minutes remaining, which means he should be done making pea soup with 14-minutes remaining. Remember that whole chicken from earlier? It has allegedly contributed to this soup.
"Shang-jiao" is the Chinese word for banana, proving conclusively that English is the funniest language. Shout out to Finnish, because "banaani" is also very fun to say (but less fun to spell in song).
Challenger Takahashi is serving up a second, lower effort, bamboo shoot open-face sushi sandwich. The mix of bamboo shoot sushi on the plate will not help distract the judges from the fact they are still eating bamboo shoot sushi.
The Iron Chef beautifully fans out his bamboo slices into the pea soup to resemble a wing. This leaves his total at four dishes: Banana skewers, stir-fry with stogies, bamboo chaclas, and this. The latter two are delicate dishes that are sure to be hits with the judges in presentation and technique. The former two dishes are not for the judges. They are the catharsis of the Iron Detective's decades of dishing-out extrajudicial retribution from Akasaka to Yurakucho. How can those who live in the light of day possibly comprehend the depths of night?
The bamboo-banana skewer with mustard-mayonnaise gets a deep fry. When converted to hex, that sentence is the private-key to my bitcoin wallet. 54 68 65 20 62 61 6d 62 6f 6f 2d 62 61 6e 61 6e 61 20 73 6b 65 77 65 72 20 77 69 74 68 20 6d 75 73 74 61 72 64 2d 6d 61 79 6f 6e 6e 61 69 73 65 20 67 65 74 73 20 61 20 64 65 65 70 20 66 72 79.
The challenger is heating stones for Horoku, a Kyoto version of Caldo de Piedra. Ask your Abuela's oldest Loteria buddy with the loudest "La Guadalupana" ringtone. She'll say it is stone soup, and then send you on your way with a trash bag full of baby clothes (regardless of your baby situation).
Abruptly, the battle is over and it is unclear if Challenger Takahashi completed his stone soup. He admits that he ran out of time, but does not admit that he cannot read analog clocks. He glances down at his two dead Casio Eminem-edition G-Shocks (on the same arm). They remind him of the fragility of life, if not the time. The outcome is looking bleak for our challenger.
The Judges’ Table(s):
Novelist and actor Tamio Kageyama (65 battles)
Judge Kageyama can cleanly slice through three stalks of bamboo with one mighty swing of his retainer.
Actress Mayuko Takata (54 battles)
Judge Takata became a millionaire selling ornamental bamboo arrangements to nail salons and pan-Asian buffets. Now she's become the target of the Maneki Neko "Lucky Cat" Cartel. 9 Lives, starring the Rock and Ryan Reynolds, only on Netflix.
Rosanjin Scholar Masaaki Hirano (42 battles).
"A single cane may live but 15-years, but the grove can live for more than a hundred" remarks the elderly Judge Hirano, facing the ceiling agape, as he tilts another slice of discount Boar's Head deli meat into his maw with a black plastic spatula.
Dishes
Challenger Takahashi completes three dishes:
Challenger Takahashi’s first dish:
Steamed Bamboo Shoots
This competitive first course consists of a wave of sliced bamboo shoots and cured cherry blossoms atop tilefish in a concentrated katsuobushi dashi. This is the challenger's strongest dish and the first he set to work on, which shows a level of predetermination. Though working from a template, the excontemperaneous flourishes are where the challenger excels here. The crest of bamboo shoots gives the dish more seaside appeal and the cherry blossoms help me not smell bamboo shoots. I'd rather carry shrimp paste in a satchel around my neck than smell bamboo shoots. The Judges all are in agreement that this is his best dish.
Judge Takata comments that "this is more than good, this is great!" It is clear that the challenger has never heard a real compliment before. Perhaps has not heard any encouragement before. Only 15-years of listening octogenarians in robes calling him a coin locker baby because he didn't stir the dashi clockwise. I would give my stainless steel wok for Iron Chef Kenichi to crash the scene and give Chef Takahashi a hug right now.
Challenger Takahashi’s second dish:
Uzuki-style Stew
The hot rocks dish made it in time! We have a competition! The challenger was being coy about running out of time. He didn't mean in this competition. He meant existentially. We're all running out of time, man. "Ask the Mayans," he says in all seriousness, thumb pointed over his shoulder. Stay in school.
This hearty stew contains bamboo shoots, shrimp, sake, seaweed, eggs, and hot rocks. Ironically, Iron Chef Kenichi cooked a similar dish in the Wheat Battle (episode 19), replacing hot rocks and bamboo shoots with handmade noodles and chili paste (upgrades in every way). I do appreciate the novelty of traditional horoku hot stones, even though Judge Hirano ate them whole, released a pyroclastic belch, and complained about the lack of seasoning. The last part is true. Mixed results from the challenger.
Challenger Takahashi’s third dish:
Bamboo Shoots Sushi
The challenger has a dreary trio of bamboo shoots sushi. Bamboo maki, bamboo nigiri, and bamboo that-one-thing with the pickled shiso leaf. This is neither a wide variety of shapes, colors, nor flavors. This is the color palette for Fallout 3, a video game combining the aesthetics of a nuclear wasteland with those of the Washington DC Metro system. Nonetheless, again Challenger Takahashi demonstrates a new technique and credit should be given for that. If this is his weakest dish (it is), then he's in surprisingly good shape. The Judges are kind, calling this composed and indicative of the region, which is how I would describe an abandoned dog food factory in Wilmington, Delaware.
One of the Iron Chef's two wildcard dishes (banana skewer or stogies) will need to beat this sushi platter to secure the win for the home team.
Iron Chef Kenichi completes five dishes:
Iron Chef Kenichi’s first dish:
Bamboo Shoot and Scallops Hors d'oeuvre
Much like how the Food Network lost track of an apostrophe, I lost track of this dish. The Iron Chef has produced one more dish than I was accounting for. This starter has sliced bamboo shoots and scallops in hot mustard and sichimi togirashi, for a sinus-punch guaranteed to wake up the judges after the challenger's sushi lullaby. This is a blend of the Iron Chef and the Iron Detective. He'll kick in your front door at 5:30 in the morning, but it's to save you from Yakuza kobuns.
Judge Kageyama declares the first Oishi of the day.
Iron Chef Kenichi’s Second Dish:
Stir-Fried Bamboo Shoots and Ground Meat
The Iron Chef produces another combination of finesse and power. The delicately cut bamboo tassle "cigars" that were filled with a seafood farce and steamed. The stir fry was the standard Kenichi wok star stadium power chord - Theme ingredient + Ground Pork + Fermented Sauce (in this case tianmianjiang). The stir fry also contains dried shrimp and preserved mustard greens.
Do these two dishes go together? No, but neither do they stand on their own. It was the right decision to combine these two into a banquet dish rather than serve six dishes total. The judges seem fine with it.
Iron Chef Kenichi’s third dish:
Bamboo Shoots in Pea Soup
Cleaver drop moment.
Iron Chef Chen Kenichi, the freight train of a wok star, reaches deep into his bag and pulls out this perfectly-cut jewel. I didn't know he had it in him. The Iron Chef intricately sliced a hollow, ridged, conical object into a bird's wing. This is a man seeing the world in 11-dimensions. He's making pea soups in 30-seconds. He's observing Higgs bosons decay. He's winning this battle. What a legend.
Judge Hirano would talk for 30-seconds straight about only the magnificence of the chicken stock in the pea soup.
Iron Chef Kenichi’s fourth dish:
Stewed Bamboo Shoots and Broad Beans
The Iron Chef uses a himekawa (edible soft bamboo bark) flip-flop to hold some simply stewed bamboo shoots and broad beans. This is a demonstration of technique and knowledge, perhaps directed at the discerning Judge Hirano who has a himekawa sleeping bag he leaves in the utility closet.
That said, it is his third best dish of three, thus far. The Iron Chef likely had a strong braising liquid to flavor these bamboo shoots, but I couldn't isolate anything specific besides doubanjiang. Let's just say it also had Shaoxing rice wine, white pepper, soup soy sauce, MSG, green onions, and an entire 400-lbs Meishan barrow.
Iron Chef Kenichi’s fifth dish:
Fried Bamboo Shoots and Banana
This one had me worried when it was just bamboo shoots and banana slices on a skewer. Ultimately it came together as a deep fried dessert. For best taste, the banana-to-bamboo ratio should be minimum 99-to-1. Pretty much the same as the allowable amount of lead in drinking water. At least lead contamination makes my neighborhood affordable, whereas bamboo is bringing nothing to the table (water table nor judges' table).
Judge Takata's mind and body are holding two opposite opinions at the same time. Is that a sign of first-rate intelligence, or the normal human response to bamboo-dessert honed over eons of survival? Likely both.
Whose cuisine reigns supreme?!
Iron Chef Chen Kenichi!
Iron Chef Kenichi is back in the win column with a dominant performance showcasing both his core strengths and his continued push into finesse dishes. No longer content to win battle after battle with reddish-brown stir-fry after reddish-brown stir-fry, the Iron Chef is putting on displays of fine knifework, using ingredients beknownst only to wood elves, and even making desserts. This food is more television friendly, and thus far seems to be judge friendly (he has two wins and one loss since he started thinking outside-of-the-wok).
Challenger Takahashi had an unusually tough task today. He came in with little head chef experience and had to build a menu focusing on an understated ingredient in an understated cuisine. The results were bland, both visually and in taste. The highlights were in his techniques: Bamboo waves, horoku hot stones, bamboo maki sushi wrappers. These are all interesting individual components of three dishes that could be sold a sleep-aid.
Episode notes:
My favorite dish was the Iron Chef's bamboo shoots and scallops in hot mustard and sichimi togerashi. This aggressive starting course is all you'll be tasting for a week.
This is the first of three Bamboo Shoots battles.
The next episode is the fifteenth of 1994, and 25th overall - the long overdue Battle Rice.
For those unaquainted with Summer Reading Lists, Eats Shoots and Leaves is a quick and fun grammar classic.
I’m sorry for the lack of updates. For the past few months, I’ve been on a retail-sojourn as I wait for my employment clearance to be re-adjudicated. The result is many more hours away from Iron Chef, several broken bones (furniture), and 15% of my previous income. However, the vibes are great. I’m hoping to have everything resolved by year’s end and get back to being merely slow (rather than slow and neglectful). I’m very much looking forward to it. Cheers!